


Betrayed

by ThymeSprite



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Declarations Of Love, F/M, Garrus Vakarian is a Good Friend, Humor, Past Kaidan Alenko/Female Shepard, Stubborn Shepard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-08
Updated: 2017-11-08
Packaged: 2019-01-31 02:30:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12666450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThymeSprite/pseuds/ThymeSprite
Summary: On Horizon, Kaidan told Shepard that she had betrayed him and she felt betrayed as well.Another betrayal made her realise that maybe, just maybe, they had both been cheated out of what they deserve.But admit to that...? Hell, no!





	1. Chapter 1

“Shut it!”, Shepard let her harsh command ring through the Normandy’s Comm room and followed it up with a glare to match. Within a second, there was silence. Finally.  
Only Garrus was smirking, smug turian bastard.  
“The Illusive Man played us and necessary or not, I don’t like it. But it got us the information we needed and that’s that.”, Shepard growled in order to put a stop to the fight between Miranda and Jacob, a fight that was very much akin to a lovers’ quarrel from where she stood.  
Loyal, if not overly clever soldier that he was, Taylor tried to speak up again, but thankfully, Garrus stopped him with an almost unnoticeable shake of his head. That turian really was too clever for his own good, but it gave Shepard the attention and silence she wanted from her crew right now: “We know now that we need that Reaper IFF and we will get it, but first we will build the team.”  
“Why wait?”, Jacob interjected, “I say we get it now.”  
“Dumbass.”, Jack murmured left of her and Shepard was inclined to agree, wholeheartedly.  
“Because…”, she then snarled, “The team needs building, we all need to get our things straight.”  
“But, Commander…”, Taylor started again, even though this time both Garrus and Miranda shook their heads.  
“That’s an order, soldier.”, Shepard barked and fixed her dark eyes on him, “And if anything, that ridiculous little debate we just had shows that the team’s not ready.”  
Not by a long a shot. But she really did not need to tell them _that_.  
Taylor seriously looked as if he wanted to object again, but Miranda touched his shoulder and for once that was enough to silence him.  
“Dismissed.”, Shepard told them and glared at the floor in front of her. She heard the team shuffle out, some of them muttering under their breaths, Jack chuckling darkly.  
“Not you, Garrus.”, she then stopped her unofficial second in command and hissed at his back, “I need you out of that armour now.”  
A loud thump made her look up and she saw that Taylor had stumbled into the wall, his eyes wide as saucers. He was not the only one looking shocked and it made Shepard grin, so she added: “Or leave it on. Whatever tickles your mandible.”  
If possible, Jacob’s eyes widened a bit more and Jack wolf-whistled before she cheered: “Go get some!”  
As soon as the door whooshed closed behind her crew, Shepard heard Garrus’ rumbling laughter: “You just had to make it as uncomfortable as possible for them.”  
“You complaining, Vakarian?”, she shot him a grin and he laughed in reply, “About the crew thinking I landed a woman such as yourself? Perish the thought, Shepard.”  
“Then get cracking.”, she said, tilting her head to the side to stretch her neck, then rolling her shoulders. Garrus did the same, but muttered in faked woe: “Why is it that whenever someone pisses you off, I have to take a beating for it?”  
“Just be glad these guns are the only ones I’m packing.”, Shepard replied, flexing her arms and Garrus chuckled, “Right…”  
“Stop complaining and hit me.”, Shepard barked and within an instant, Garrus was on her. But she knew his attacks and even though he may have been a hand-to-hand specialist once, her Vanguard training allowed her to beat him with experience. Literally.  
Her fist connected with his carapace in a satisfying smack and the pain in her knuckles dulled the raging anger in her chest. She needed this right now.  
Garrus stumbled back, but regained his footing quickly and made to strike her, but she knew his tells, knew he was feigning it, so she ducked and swept his feet out from under him.  
Or she would have, had he really been feigning it. Instead, he angled his strike just so that his talons hit her square in the temple and made her dizzy for a moment, just long enough to allow him to step around her and trap her in his long arms.  
“Bastard.”, Shepard growled and kicked at his shins, but Garrus simply lifted her up with a grunt and shook her.  
“Bastard!”, she repeated, the heel of her boot connected with his shin this time, but the armour protected him from the brunt of the kick and so he, in turn, kicked her feet out from under her and knelt down, forcing her to sit on the floor like a… sitting duck.  
“My, my, Commander. What a predicament.”, Garrus trilled much too happily behind her, “Whatever shall I do with you now, completely at my mercy?”  
“Let me go!”, Shepard protested and tried pushing back against him, to knock him over, but he was immovable like a rock. A giant, smug rock.  
“Bastard.”  
Garrus merely laughed at her, but when he spoke, his voice was calm and serious: “Now that you can’t really fight back and hide behind your punches, care to tell me what really has you so pissed?”  
Shepard hesitated, just a second, although it was probably enough for that bastard, but then she doubled her efforts to push him back. He had known that, of course, and she felt him put more strength into his hold on her, his voice already strained as he added: “Because it’s not the Illusive Man and we both know it.”  
“Bastard.”  
“So you keep saying.”, Garrus muttered, unimpressed and that, more than anything, deflated Shepard’s anger. She went almost limp in her friend’s grasp and he let go of her. For one moment she thought about punching him, now that he had let down his guard. But then she simply sighed and turned around to face him. Without a word, Garrus got up and extended his hand, which she gladly took to let him pull her to her feet. Shepard looked him in the eye, a million words flooding her brain, but none seeming adequate, so she kept her silence, just sighed again.  
“So?”, her friend prompted and she spat angrily, “Ugh! I hate this touchy-feely stuff!”  
“What a surprise.”, Garrus deadpanned, “Tough break, Shep, you need to blow off some steam.”  
She grinned, but he held up his hand and thereby stopped her in her tracks: “No, sparring doesn’t qualify, it didn’t work. So spill.”  
There was no one, no one in the entire galaxy who could say something like that and go unpunished, except for Garrus.  
“I…”, she began, still unsure how to put it, how to explain what gnawed at her, but everything sounded ridiculous when she tried to put it into words in her head. She tried again, but merely opened her mouth to close it again, flapping like a goddamn fish out of water. Damn it!  
“Is this about Kaidan?”  
Shepard stared at her friend as he asked that. Then she whispered: “Sniper’s precision my ass. You psychic now?”  
Garrus cocked his head and shifted one brow plate, a silent “I know you” obvious in his features, but it was left unspoken, thankfully.  
Shepard sighed once again, feeling like a broken record, then she threw her hands up and cursed: “Ah, crap. He’s just… I constantly think back to Horizon. To that shit he said, to… how he looked at me. Like I was the enemy.”  
She saw Garrus’ hand tighten into a fist, but he carefully released the tension before he spoke: “That’s not surprising. He was important to you just a few weeks back, even though it’s been two years for him. And now he broke your heart.”  
Shepard merely snorted at that insult and this time, Garrus sighed: “Can’t you accept that you are, your heroic deeds notwithstanding, still just a woman? Still…human?”  
Shepard opened her mouth to respond, but then closed it again and pouted, her arms crossed in front of her chest.  
“How should I?”, she then muttered unhappily, “Everyone’s expecting me to fix things for them…”  
“And that’s what you do.”, Garrus softly said, a smile clear in his rumbling voice, but the comment merely made her glare at him, “Not funny, Vakarian.”  
“But nevertheless true.”, he replied and stepped closer, taking her hands in his, “So go on, fix your own things. Or let me.”  
“Huh?”, she asked, quite dumbly, and she swore she saw him grin before he explained, “You’ve helped me set things straight with Sidonis, knew better what I needed to do than I did myself. You went above and beyond for every single member of this crew. It’s time someone returned the favour.”  
“I…”, she tried to object, tried to tell him she did not need anything. But they both knew it was a lie. She needed to talk to Kaidan. Soon.  
“I…”, Shepard began again and Garrus gently stopped her, “You have to do this on your own, your terms. I get that. Just take the time and do it.”  
This earned him a smile, the first genuine smile in days, at least it felt like it, and he returned it, then reassured her with a smirk: “And if anyone dares give you hell for taking some time for yourself this once, send them my way. My rifle and I will talk some sense into whatever poor bastard’s making such a rookie mistake.”  
“Thank you.”, she breathed, already a heavy load off her shoulders, but Garrus grinned and gave her a friendly shove towards the door, “No need to thank me. Just get it done.”  
“Yes, sir!”, Shepard mock-saluted as she sauntered backwards to the door, a smile adorning her lips. The expression felt foreign on her face. Said a lot about her life nowadays.  
She quickly, almost hastily made her way to the elevator, their next destination was already set, a supply run to the Citadel, so thankfully, no one stopped her. Kelly informed her that she had new messages, but she just waved it off and told her she would look at them in her cabin.  
Shepard nodded to herself, proud of the excuse, but she honestly had no intention of reading the new mails. Instead she went straight to the old, archived ones and quickly found the first message Kaidan had sent her, after Horizon, the only one from him she had read. Maybe it was torture or just plain stupid, but she opened the message and read it again.

_Shepard,_

_I'm sorry for what I said back on Horizon. I spent two years pulling myself back together after you went down with the Normandy. It took me a long time to get over my guilt for surviving and move on. I'd finally let my friends talk me into going out for drinks with a doctor on the Citadel. Nothing serious, but trying to let myself have a life again, you know?_

_Then I saw you, and everything pulled hard to port. You were standing in front of me, but you were with Cerberus. I guess I really don't know who either of us is anymore. Do you even remember that night before Ilos? That night meant everything to me... maybe it meant as much to you. But a lot has changed in the last two years and I can't just put that aside._

_But please be careful. I've watched too many people close to me die -- on Eden Prime, on Virmire, on Horizon, on the Normandy. I couldn't bear it if I lost you again. If you're still the woman I remember I know you'll find a way to stop these Collector attacks. But Cerberus is too dangerous to be trusted. Watch yourself._

_When things settle down a little... maybe... I don't know. Just take care._

_\--Kaidan_

“Jep. Stupid.”, she then muttered and banged her head against the desk once. But that did not stop her from reading the other messages he had sent.

_Shepard,_

_I’m sorry. Not only for what I said on Horizon, but for how I said it. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments. Seeing you was just too… I don’t even know what it felt like. Confusion, sure. Hope? Maybe. I really don’t know. It’s going to take a while for this to sink in._

_But I meant what I said about Cerberus. They are dangerous._

_Take care. Please._

_\--Kaidan_

If he had meant what he had said about Cerberus, then had he also meant what he had said about her being with Cerberus?  
About her betraying what they stood for, the Alliance…him?  
Immediately anger rose in her again, like bile, but it felt like battery acid.  
Growling in her throat, Shepard was just about to close the terminal again, but then she remembered her fight with Garrus, how futile fighting him had been, even though he was her best friend. She knew him in and out, but he had fooled her with ease. She was distracted and that needed to stop. Otherwise she sure as hell would not come back from that damn Collector homeworld once they had found that blasted thing.  
So she soldiered on and opened the next message. 

_Shepard,_

_I know you have a lot to do, the Collectors are even more dangerous than Cerberus perhaps and I am grateful that you are out there trying to stop them. Someone has to. Again, please be careful, I can’t lose you again._

_But if you find a moment to spare, please reply. Just give me a life sign, okay?_

_\--Kaidan_

That message sounded… a lot more concerned about her than she would have expected.  
It made her think unbidden, but undeniable thoughts. Maybe… she was not the only one who had felt betrayed? Yeah, he had not listened to a word she had said on Horizon, but maybe he had just been… too thrown? Too surprised?  
He sure was an idiot to take that out on her, but could she really blame him after two years? She did not even know what he had heard about her being with Cerberus. Even though it was not true. They were working for her. At least that was the way Shepard chose to look at it. But how had it looked from his point of view?  
“That’s a headache in the making.”, she mumbled to herself and decided that clarification would have to wait until they talked it out. If they talked it out.  
Sighing, Shepard opened the next message. 

_Shepard,_

_I can only hope your silence means you’re too busy to write. There is nothing to be heard about your actions and although I’m glad that Cerberus doesn’t get any attention, please, let me know you’re alive, okay?_

_Take care._

_\--Kaidan_

Alright, this message was concern for her, plain and simple. It surprised her, but even more so did the next.

_Allison,_

_please, let me know you’re alive. I’m worried._

_\--Kaidan_

That made her pause and blink.  
No, there were no tears threatening to spill, she simply denied their existence.  
But she had to admit that her heart ached as she found three more messages just as short and imploring, just asking her for a life sign. Disbelieving, Shepard compared the last message she had read to the first and it was clear to her that in the first one Kaidan’s emotions had been in too much turmoil to say what he had actually wanted to say. But the last one was almost raw.

_Ally,_

_please give me a sign you’re alive. Have Garrus send it if you don’t want to talk to me, I’d understand that. But please, please let me know you’re alive. I’m going mad with worry here._

_\--Kaidan_

Shepard swallowed hard as she read that. She huffed and was just about to ask EDI why the hell she had not told her about those messages being so desperate, but then she gave the answer herself: She would not have listened anyway.  
But now there was nothing holding her back, she had to reply, and so Shepard opened a new message to write a reply immediately. But the incessant blinking of her inbox distracted her and had her open the new messages first. She quickly sifted through them, deciding that nothing important was among those, until she found the latest one. It was from Kaidan.  
Before she had consciously decided to open it, she was already reading it.

_Shepard,_

_I’m sorry, Ally. For everything. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive me one day. Just know that I have._

_I realize now that what I did to you was too much. I will not bother you again._

_Love,  
Kaidan_

“What?”, Shepard muttered, “No!”  
She hit the reply button with the force of a biotic charge and started typing, her fingers flying over the keyboard so fast she half expected blue sparks to rise from her hands.

_Kaidan,_

_I’m sorry, too. There was just so much left unsaid, so much left unclear between us. And yes, I have been busy, but the truth is, I didn’t want t_

“Shit.”, she cursed as she realised that she was babbling in a written message, “Shit.”  
With the press of a button she deleted all that babbling and instead wrote:

_Kaidan,_

_let’s talk. I’ll be on the Citadel, ETA 6 hours._

_Shepard_

Before she could doubt her words again, Shepard hit send and then heaved a sigh that felt as heavy as a goddamn krogan. Now she just had to wait.  
Running her fingers through her dark brown hair she wondered if she was too late. If he had written her off and instead gone out with that doctor he had had drinks with a few months prior. She hoped not.  
When she decided that waiting around at her terminal would not gain her anything, she reached for a pad to make a shopping list, but just then the incessant green blink of a new message caught her eye.  
“Probably spam. Or the Illusive Man.”, she mumbled, her fingers shaking as she reached for the button, “Same diff, really.”  
But when she opened the new messages, she found a surprise.

_Shepard,_

_Apollo’s for lunch. I’ll be there._

_\--Kaidan_


	2. Chapter 2

She had survived a Geth invasion, had stared down a Reaper and had actually come back from death itself – albeit with a little help, or rather a lot – but right now Shepard was debating to flee.   
“Like hell.”, she grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest and checked the perimeter that was Apollo’s Café one more time. Kaidan was not here yet, but hey, it was not as if she had been ten minutes early, no sir. Why would she?   
“Stop talking to yourself.”, Shepard admonished herself for her bad habit, but was spared the inevitable fail of it as she spotted Kaidan. Five minutes early.   
Their eyes met over the heads of all the other patrons and it was as if no time had passed since that night before Ilos, their night. Shepard’s breath hitched in her throat, her heart skipped a beat… and she felt utterly ridiculous.   
“Get a grip.”, she hissed and then plastered a cautious smile onto her lips. She saw Kaidan swallow hard, just standing there in the middle of the steps, staring at her as if he had seen a ghost. Much like he had on Horizon. But then, in contrast to their encounter on Horizon, his gaze softened and he showed her a similarly cautious smile that was actually halfway to a grimace of insecurity.   
With more effort than she would care to admit, Shepard forced her feet forward and the two of them met at the entrance to Apollo’s Café.   
“Hey.”, Kaidan greeted her awkwardly and she replied in the same manner, “Hey.”   
“Uhm, let’s… there.”, he tried to form a coherent sentence, but Shepard was no one to gloat as she had not even managed that much, she just nodded as he indicated the corner table. Perfect view of the perimeter and two exit routes in case of an attack. Man, her Marine training had screwed her for life.   
As she sat down, Kaidan seriously held her chair for her. He had always been a gentleman, even though she had always found those antics a bit ridiculous. Then he sat down next to her, so that they both had their backs to a wall. Apparently, Marine training had them both screwed for life.   
“So…”, he began, but Shepard cut him off, “Let’s order first, okay?”   
“Still can’t function on an empty stomach?”, Kaidan asked, an amused smile on his lips and she shot back, “As if you’d be able to do anything without an insane amount of calories in your system.”   
“Yeah, the perks of being a biotic.”, he wryly murmured before they both studied the menu in silence. That was until Shepard read the list of beverages: “They got Guinness?”   
“You didn’t know?”, Kaidan asked, truly surprised and she snorted, “With the Collectors and all I didn’t really peruse the local liquor shops. And before that I was a bit too dead for, you know, anything, really.”   
“Shepard…”, Kaidan mumbled, stricken, but she just shook her head, “Food first, rest later.”   
“Aye.”, he gave in and quickly placed his order, turkey sandwich and a Lager, Canadian of course. What else?   
“Alright, tuna sandwich and Guinness it is.”, Shepard decided, then put away the pad and took one deep breath to steel herself before she looked at Kaidan.   
“Shepard, I…”, he began, then bit his lip so hard it had to hurt before the words tumbled out of him as if a floodgate had been opened, “I am so sorry for what I said on Horizon, everything, every word of it. It wasn’t fair and I felt like such an idiot right after I sent that message. It was stupid. I really sho…”   
“Stop.”, Shepard asked him, her voice flat and barely above a whisper, but from the look on his face, it had hit him like a shotgun blast to the chest. He tried to speak, but no words came out, yet the look in his dark eyes spoke volumes. The pain, the dashed hope… exactly what she had seen in the mirror after Horizon. She did not know if she would really be able to go through with it, but she forced herself to say: “Just tell me why.”   
Kaidan blinked a few times, obviously unsure, so Shepard explained: “On Horizon, you didn’t listen to a single word I said. Why?”   
“I…”, Kaidan began, then sighed deeply and nervously combed his fingers through his hair before he managed to continue, “I couldn’t. I… spent two years trying to get my life back after…losing you. And I-I had just gotten to the point where waking up didn’t physically hurt anymore and then… you stood there. Beautiful as ever, just… you. Alive.”   
As he said that, Kaidan looked up and met her eyes, a gentle smile filled with pain on his lips: “All I wanted to do was hold you and never let go again.”   
“That’s not what you did.”, Shepard whispered, her heart beating a mile a minute, her voice as level as she managed it while trying damned hard to blink away tears.   
“No.”, Kaidan muttered, closing his eyes with a groan of pain, “No, I didn’t. Because I was an idiot.”   
No argument there, but Shepard refrained from saying that, instead she reminded him: “That doesn’t answer my question. Why?”   
“Because I love you.”, was his answer, given in desperation and with a sad, sad smile. Now Shepard’s heart missed a beat, her throat dry and unable to produce any words or any sound at all.   
“I never stopped loving you.”, Kaidan told her, his smile crooked now, “It almost killed me, losing you two years ago and seeing you again just threw me. It was stupid. I lashed out because I didn’t know what to do. I was angry, but not at you. Maybe at the universe, fate or whatever. I am not a strong man, Shepard, I never was. So I… I did what a weak man would do: The wrong thing.”   
Shepard chuckled darkly at that and shook her head in disbelief, leaning back in her chair, away from him.   
“All I can say is that I am truly sorry.”, Kaidan murmured, his eyes unwaveringly on hers, “And that I love you.”   
With these words, he extended his hand towards her and cautiously added: “I don’t expect you to say anything just yet or to forgive me this instant. How should you? I just want you to know, need you to know how I feel. Maybe we can take it from there. Somehow.”   
“We’ll try.”, Shepard replied, hesitating, “I think I understand why you did what you did, but…”   
“You can’t forgive yet.”, Kaidan expertly assessed, “I know. I just ask that you give me a chance, Allison.”   
With a small smile, her hand shaking, she hesitantly intertwined her fingers with his.   
Gosh, it was good to feel a gentle hand, warm skin against her own.   
“Allison…”, he whispered her name, but all she could muster as a reply was a light squeeze of his hand. It had to be enough for the moment.   
“Here’s your order!”, a chirpy salarian tore them apart as he placed their food and drinks on the table, “Hope you like it!”   
Both of them stared at the waiter as he left them, but it was Kaidan who found his voice first.   
“Wow…”, he snorted in amusement and Shepard grumbled, “You should think serving staff had an eye for when to serve.”   
“Cut him a break, maybe he’s new.”, Kaidan grinned and now it was her time to snort indignantly, “Maybe. But that just severely cut his tip as well.”   
“You are without mercy.”, Kaidan chuckled, but she just shrugged, “No one’s giving me a tip if I do a bad job.”   
“Well, to better jobs then.”, he playfully toasted and as their glasses clinked together, he added quietly, “And new beginnings.”   
“Hear, hear.”, Shepard replied, then dug into her sandwich.   
“So… can I ask you a question now?”, Kaidan quietly began and it made Shepard pause, the sandwich halfway between the plate and her mouth. That did not bode well…   
“Uh-huh…”, she nodded and cursed her sudden eloquence, but the truth was, he had gotten her off guard. And he had not yet touched his food. Bad sign.   
“Why did you not reply to my messages?”, Kaidan asked and Shepard’s heart plummeted. Had she bothered to think about whether he would ask something, she would have feared nothing more than that very question. Swallowing the bite she had forgotten, Shepard slowly put her sandwich down, just to buy time. They both knew it, but Kaidan was gentleman enough not to say anything or to rush her, but damn it, the way he was watching her without even having glanced at his own food made her squirm uncomfortably.   
Shepard took a deep breath, knowing that she was stalling, then she ventured an explanation: “I was pissed. Ask Garrus, he took the beating for it.”   
Kaidan frowned and she chuckled: “Hey, shooting Collectors can only do so much for anger management.”   
Kaidan remained silent, but he kept watching her and ignoring his own sandwich, so he knew that there was more to it than she had said so far. He knew her too well.   
“And… I didn’t wanna face it.”, she added, mumbling towards the table’s polished surface, “So I pushed it all away until I felt betrayed by someone – it’s not that important – and that made me think maybe you felt betrayed, too. So, I had to face those thoughts I had tried to ignore. That after Horizon and that first message I thought maybe… maybe we were better off alone. Without… anything distracting us, making us hope for something we probably can’t have anyway…”   
“Why would you think that?”, Kaidan asked, disbelief plain in his face and pain in his eyes as Shepard looked up.   
“Why?”, she indignantly asked and threw her hands up, “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe ‘cause of frat regs? Cause of the very likely possibility that neither of us will survive our next assignment?”   
“Shepard…”, he began, but she shook her head and hissed, “You know I’m right. You damn well know I am.”   
“Yes.”, he admitted, but then there was a sharp edge in his gaze, “But you’re also damn wrong.”   
“What?”, she barked, but Kaidan smiled gently, “We may not survive, we may have obstacles in our path. But it’s worth it.”   
Shepard stared at him, dumbfounded, and that was when Kaidan touched her hand again and added: “You are worth it, Allison.”   
Then he gave her a warm smile and began to eat, totally unfazed.   
“You are… unbelievable.”, she muttered and Kaidan merely grinned, his mouth full of his first bite of the sandwich. Then he took his time washing it down with a large gulp of beer before he looked at her and said: “At your side I’ve seen Geth outside the Veil, I’ve seen – and killed – a Reaper and you came back from the dead. Nothing seems unbelievable anymore.”   
Shepard narrowed her eyes at him, unsure whether he was joking or being serious and she found that she really could not tell. But he had to top it off: “So why does it seem unbelievable that I’m not that shy anymore?”   
“Because…”, Shepard began indignant, then she laughed and finished her sentence as a joke, “Because I liked being the eloquent one for a change, damn it.”   
This earned her a smooth, rich chuckle, the very one she had only heard a few times before. Never in public. She did not want to admit it, but it sent a pleasant shiver down her spine.   
So, to distract herself, Shepard grabbed her sandwich again and threw a harmless question at Kaidan: “So, what’ve you been up to lately?”   
“You saw the colony on Horizon.”, he shrugged, but she shook her head, “Before that. Tell me what I missed.”   
She did not openly ask for what had happened while she had been clinically dead, but the shadow of pain flitting through his eyes told her he had understood her meaning anyway. And so, he began to talk about the last year, leaving everything before that unmentioned, probably because his pain was still too raw and too personal. But the Biotics Division he had been a part of – scratch that, a leader of! – had Shepard invested in his narrative. He told her a few anecdotes that had them laughing together and in the end, he summarised: “I really miss them.”   
“I’m sure they miss you too.”, she replied and Kaidan glanced at her, disbelief in his eyes and thinly veiled pride, there was also a light pink blush dusting his cheeks as he asked, “You think?”   
“You just told me that you broke up a fight between four of the recruits by detonating a small blast of dark energy between them. Hell yeah that oughta impress them. I’m impressed!”   
Kaidan laughed humbly and she added: “Of course they miss a teacher as skilled and as patient as you. I bet there was no one who could teach them as much as you with nearly as much care and patience for them as you.”   
“Thank you.”, Kaidan whispered shyly, just as shy as he had been back on the original Normandy. Silence fell and as if it was a gravitational pull or a tiny singularity between them, their hands intertwined again, making Shepard realise that their food was long since gone and even their plates had been cleared from the table.   
“It’s… so good to see you.”, Kaidan then murmured, his fingers tightening their hold on hers and she merely squeezed in reply, not sure what to say apart from a stupid joke that just would not do, so she kept her mouth shut and listened, “Allison, maybe we cou…”   
The shrill ping of an omnitool interrupted his words and made them both flinch. Pathetic. But with the moment broken, they both checked whether it was their omnitool that insistently announced a call. It was Kaidan’s.   
“I don’t recognise that caller ID.”, he mumbled, but then took the call anyway.   
“Hello? Is this…are you Kaidan Alenko?”, there came a terrified female voice from the omnitool on Kaidan’s arm, but the message was audio only. He quickly glanced at Shepard, shaking his head to indicate no, he had no idea who that was.   
“Here’s Alenko.”, he replied and Shepard bit her tongue, because who the hell knew who that was, but the obvious fear in the woman’s voice made him forget about that kind of danger, “Who is this?”   
“Oh, sorry, I’m Vanessa.”, she almost stumbled over her own words and Kaidan frowned, so it was clear that the name was unknown to him. Shepard tensed and motioned her hand across her throat, indicating for Kaidan to terminate the call, but he shook his head. Boy scout.   
“Vanessa, I realize you’re afraid, so tell me what happened.”, Kaidan urged and it took her a moment to reply, “I’m sorry, I’m… okay, deep breath. It’s about Brandon.”   
“Brandon Hayes?”, Kaidan asked and Shepard noted his eyebrows jumping almost to his hairline. She did not know that name, but clearly he did.   
“Yeah…”, the girl replied, “He’s…he’s here on Omega and…”   
“Omega?”, Kaidan whispered, then sighed deeply and asked of Vanessa, “What happened?”   
“I’m not sure!”, she cried, “We were supposed to meet today, he said he would have everything in order by then, but… he gave me your contact info. “Just in case” he said…”   
“In case of what?”, Shepard mouthed, but Kaidan just shook his head and told the terrified girl, “Listen, Vanessa, I’m on my way.”   
“Thank you.”, she breathed and Shepard was in no way surprised when she saw Kaidan smile reassuringly, even though the girl could not see him, but it was also in his voice when he asked, “Tell me everything you know.”   
“It’s not much…”, she regretfully said, “Brandon and I were talking about getting away from here, but we don’t have the credits. He said he would get things in order, but he did not tell me what he meant by that.”   
Kaidan and Shepard shared a glance and without need for words, they both came to the same conclusion: Brandon had taken money from one of the gangs on Omega. Fucking idiot.   
“I’m scared.”, Vanessa sobbed and so they both looked at the omnitool again, concentrating on her voice, “If Aria finds out that I wanted to go away…”   
She probably already knew then, Shepard figured, but she refrained from saying that, instead she was about to say something else, but in the last second remembered that it was Kaidan’s call. So she merely typed a message in her own omnitool and showed it to him: “Know Aria, she prbly knows about V+B”.   
Kaidan nodded, understanding that she was hinting at going to Aria for information as she likely knew anyway, then he told the desperate Vanessa: “Do not change your routine, go to work, do your things as usual. Otherwise Aria will suspect something.”   
“Okay…”, she replied shakily, but not as afraid as she had been, so Shepard had to smile nonetheless. Just leave it to Kaidan, knight in shining armour, to calm a damsel in distress. He just was a nice guy like that.   
“I’ll come for Brandon and I’ll call you again once I’ve learned something. Sit tight, Vanessa.”   
“Thank you.”, she whispered, then ended the call. Kaidan groaned and pinched the bridge of his nose, muttering: “Damn it.”   
“I take it you’re not really surprised.”, Shepard ventured a guess and he shook his head, “No. Sadly, no. Brandon was part of the Biotics Division I’ve told you about. Until the Alliance “let him go”. Cat 6.”   
“Damn…”, Shepard mumbled, “Dishonourable discharge? What the hell did the kid do?”   
“He attacked an officer during troop inspection.”, Kaidan flatly said and Shepard, despite it all, grinned, “Now that’s a story I’d like to hear.”   
“No, not really.”, Kaidan sighed while typing into his omnitool, “He’s from a troubled background, Earth’s slums, lots of abuse…”   
Shepard’s features darkened at that and Kaidan smiled gently as he saw that: “I know, sounds just like your story. The difference is that you are an incredibly strong person. Brandon isn’t. He… cracked. And so far nothing was enough to piece him back together.”   
Shepard swallowed and did not say what was on the tip of her tongue, namely that the Alliance had merely helped her stay focused, but that Kaidan had pieced her back together. She could not say that.   
While she was lost in thought, Kaidan got up and reached for her, put his hand on her shoulder, warm and reassuring, as he said: “Thank you for seeing me, Shepard. Lunch is on me, but I gotta go.”   
He had already turned around when she found her composure again.   
“Hold on!”, she barked and jumped to her feet, a tad more forceful than she had intended to, “Do you even know your way around on Omega?”   
“I wasn’t born yesterday.”, Kaidan smirked, “I’ll manage.”   
“Yeah, maybe.”, she allowed, but then blew out a breath and offered, “Or I could come with you. I have a place on Aria’s couch. I can get you information you won’t find otherwise.”   
Kaidan frowned, although Shepard clearly saw the hopeful smiled struggling to get out, yet he shut it down with all his might as he asked: “Why would you do that?”   
Shepard took a breath, merely to stall for time as they stood in the middle of Apollo’s, formulating a lame excuse, when Kaidan beat her to the punch: “The Collectors have to be more important than some kid from Earth…”   
“Not right now.”, Shepard whispered, not daring to look into his eyes, “And you know as well as I do that this isn’t about Brandon for me. It’s… about you. And me.”   
As if in an afterthought, she added: “Us.”   
The gentlest touch on her cheek implored her to look at him, making her flinch despite the tenderness in it. Or maybe because of it.   
Steeling herself, Shepard decided to soldier through this and resolutely stared into Kaidan’s eyes, only to have her resolve crumble as she saw the loving smile and heard his whisper: “Thank you.”   
She nodded lamely and took a step back, just to get away from this simple, harmless, yet devastating caress and Kaidan let her. He nodded as well and asked her: “Lead the way, Commander.”   
Pathetically wobbly on her legs, Shepard left the vicinity of Apollo’s Café with Kaidan in tow, already thinking about possibilities to hitch a decent ride, because the Normandy was out of the question for this. Kind of. She would leave them a message, but she really did not need to have them all along spouting commentary to her helping Kaidan. Not, thanks, she could do without their crap.   
Turned out she need not have wrecked her brains about it as their way to the elevator was blocked by no one else than Garrus Vakarian himself. The smug turian had his arms loosely crossed in front of his carapace and rasped amused: “Going somewhere?”   
Shepard stared at him, fire in her eyes she was sure would be reflected in his visor any second now, but even if not, it conveyed her meaning without words: “What are you doing here, Vakarian?”   
Garrus cocked his head, then inclined it towards her with the turian equivalent of a small smile, silently saying: “I know you and I’m here for you. Even if you think you don’t want me to.”   
Smug bastard. Shepard narrowed her eyes at him, mentally flipping him the bird: “This is none of your business.”   
Now his talons curled to tight fists and he stared her down: “Like hell it is. I’m your best friend. Someone needs to protect you, even from yourself.”   
Then his expression changed to a grin and she practically heard his addition: “Especially from yourself.”   
Her crossing her arms in front of her chest was unmistakably clear: “Fuck you, Vakarian.”   
Garrus chuckled in reply, still otherwise silent: “You love me for it.”   
Right about now, she did not, but Garrus unceremoniously cut her off as he addressed Kaidan: “I realise you got a slight problem that needs fixing. I’ve been on Omega for a while, Shepard and I can help you better than anyone else. And the Normandy is the fastest ride you could possibly catch from here.”   
“Uh… nice to see you too, Garrus.”, Kaidan merely mumbled, glancing between the turian and Shepard, trying his hardest to figure out what the hell to do now. As if Shepard knew… Well, she did, but that did not mean she liked it one bit.   
So she threw her hands up in defeat and stared daggers at Garrus for his intervention: “I’ll have your hide for this.”   
Garrus just smiled at her over his broad shoulders and silently mocked her: “You won’t. Because you know I’m right.”   
With that he started walking towards the elevator and his gait radiated smugness Shepard wished to beat out of him. In a friendly manner, of course. Kaidan followed him, but glanced at Shepard with an insecure shrug, and she just shrugged in reply, nodding along, already trying to anticipate Joker’s stupid remarks when he saw Kaidan again. Her pilot had been furious after Horizon.   
But Garrus was already giving her shit with the smugness in his gait and the same smugness showed in his subharmonics as he cheerily told Kaidan: “The old squad back together!”   
“Bastard.”, Shepard muttered under her breath, glaring daggers at the back of Garrus’ head. It would be one hell of a mission, even without Omega’s gangs.


	3. Chapter 3

Safely tucked away in her cabin, Shepard nevertheless bit her lip in frustration. She had faced Geth, a goddamn Reaper. But it had only taken one angry look from Joker’s green eyes to make her flee.   
Sure, before running she had hissed at him “Not a word, Joker!”, but that was beside the point. She would have to apologise. Scratch that, he would probably say something stupid and forfeit his apology. But she felt bad. It had not helped in the slightest that Garrus had immediately run off, mumbling something about “calibrations” and chuckling as he left Shepard there, just past the airlock, Kaidan beside her and Joker’s angry glare at them both. She had run then, leaving Kaidan behind.   
Gosh, she would also have to apologise to him for throwing him to Joker. Scratch that too, Kaidan was a big boy, he was perfectly able to take care of himself. Although Joker was something fierce…   
“Shepard…”, Joker addressed her, speak of the devil, and she growled, “Still, not a word!”   
“Alright!”, he said defensively, “I just wanted to let you know, ETA to Omega about ten minutes.”   
“Thanks.”, she said and heaved a sigh before she got up from her desk, throwing away the pad she had been hiding behind, pretending to work at. She did not even know what was on it. Neither did she care.   
It was strange, but the nervousness Shepard had somewhat successfully subdued ever since boarding her ship again now returned in full force. She was going to work with Kaidan again, she would have to pass Joker on her way to the airlock.   
“Whatever.”, she hissed through clenched teeth and quickly, efficiently put on her armour, the movements as familiar as breathing by now. It calmed her down, somewhat. The elevator ride had her heartrate at a level she herself found alarming, but Shepard squared her shoulders and stepped out into the CIC. Making her way to the bridge, she mostly ignored the people around her, especially Chambers. She was a nice enough girl, but dealing with Joker’s comments was enough for one day, she really did not need a psychologist thrown into that cocktail.   
Her boots clinked heavily on the metal of the gangway and, no surprise there, Joker turned half around to her, giving her a crooked grin. What he said did surprise her, though: “You know, Commander, I lied.”   
“Come again?”, she asked, dangerously calm and she saw Joker duck into his seat before he swung it around and admitted, evidently not sorry at all, “ETA to Omega was thirteen minutes when I called you.”   
“Care to explain?”, Shepard asked, her arms crossed in front of her chest plate and her hip cocked to let him see her trusted Sokolov shotgun. She actually saw him gulp, but then Joker took a deep breath and said, his head held high: “Alenko hurt you and now he’s here again. I don’t trust it, it stinks. I wanted the time to tell you that.”   
“Joker…”, she growled angrily, but he viciously cut her off, “No! That bastard ripped your heart out on Horizon and Riverdanced on it. We’re entitled to hate him, because we love you.”   
This made her eyebrows jump almost to her dark hairline and Joker cleared his throat, then glanced at her, but looked away quickly, as if he could not stand to see her, but he spoke, barely above a whisper, but his voice firm: “You’re the best friend I have in this galaxy and you…died because of me. Then I got you back and that idiot hurt you. If he ever pulls shit like that again, I’ll shoot him.”   
“Joker…”, Shepard repeated, her tone softer now, but he did not look up. It took Shepard touching his shoulder for the pilot to shyly glance at her and he did a double take when he saw her smile.   
“Thank you.”, Shepard said, “If he ever pulls shit like that again, I’ll shoot him, too. Then we’ll see who’s quicker with a gun.”   
“You.”, Joker grinned, “Definitely you. But I got no objections to shooting a corpse.”   
They laughed together and when Joker turned around again to steer the Normandy through the vast coldness of space, Shepard walked to his right side, slinging her arm around his shoulders, as she had done before. It was comfortable.   
Just a minute later she heard he distinct scrape of Garrus’ boots on the gangway and he came to stand on Joker’s left side.   
“Here to watch the show?”, the pilot asked, referring to the docking procedures no doubt, but Garrus rasped with barely hidden laughter, “Kaidan’s not here, so how could there be a show?”   
“Shut up.”, Shepard growled and hit the turian’s shoulder, but she grinned nonetheless. But it fell from her face when she heard him ask of Joker: “You told her?”   
“Jep.”, came the answer and Shepard stared at them both, “What?”   
Garrus just glanced at her, the injured side of his face slowly turning into scar tissue.   
“What the hell is going on?”, she demanded to know and she felt Joker shrug under her arm before he said, “If Alenko were to mistreat you again, we know how to kill him and dispose of the body.”   
“You aren’t serious…”, Shepard asked, shocked until they both smirked at her, then she hissed, “This isn’t funny!”   
“No.”, Garrus shrugged, imitating the human gesture he had seen so often, “But neither was seeing you on Horizon, after Horizon. Should he do something like that again, there will be consequences.”   
“I can take care of myself!”, Shepard hissed, knowing she sounded like a stubborn child, but she could not care less in that moment.   
“We know that.”, Joker nonchalantly said and Garrus finished his sentence, “Doesn’t mean you have to.”   
She was taken aback by that statement. Then furious… then overcome with fondness for both of them.   
“Guys…”, Shepard merely said, hating how choked her voice sounded, but she did not need to say any more. Simultaneously, Garrus reached for her shoulder and Joker for her hand on his shoulder.   
“We got you, Commander.”, her pilot said and all she could do was squeeze his shoulder gently, smirking as she reminded them, “Don’t forget, I’m the Spectre. Only I can kill without being persecuted.”   
“Who needs killing?”, came a voice behind them and Shepard half turned to see Kaidan there, in full armour, his trusted pistol by his side.   
“Oh, no one important.”, Joker dismissed with a grunt and Shepard squeezed his shoulder just a tad harder for that, earning herself a sharp glance that soon turned into a grin.   
“Sit back and watch the show, guys, we’re docking.”, Joker then announced and went through the docking procedure with efficiency, worthy of an Alliance pilot, yet she was glad he was also the funny friend she had come to care about.   
As soon as they were ready to depart, Shepard instructed over her shoulder: “Let Miranda purchase anything she thinks we need, but this is no shore leave. We get in, resolve this mess, get out. No muss, no fuss.”   
“Here’s hoping.”, Joker said and nodded at her, but Shepard just snorted in amusement and then left the Normandy, Kaidan and Garrus in tow. She had her mind set on the course of action and determinedly strode forward.   
“Where are we going?”, Kaidan asked and it was Garrus who replied, “The girl spoke of Aria? Those two girls are besties.”   
Shepard heard Kaidan gasp in surprise and she rolled her eyes, explaining, “I needed a favour, she needed a favour, we exchanged pleasantries…”   
“You mean insults, surely?”, Garrus interrupted with a rasping chuckle answered with Shepard own grin, then she continued, “So we help each other out from time to time. So to speak.”   
“Do I want to know more?”, Kaidan asked, half serious, half joking and Garrus gave him an honest answer, “I doubt either of them could explain it in more detail.”   
“The important thing is…”, Shepard stressed as they made their way from the docks to the entrance of Afterlife, “She’ll hear me out and give me information. Likely for a price, but at least I do have a place on her couch.”   
“And in her heart…”, Garrus added dreamily, making even Kaidan laugh at the joke.   
At the entrance, Shepard just nodded at the Elcor bouncer who greeted her with his ever-monotonous voice: “Joyfully: Good to see you again, Commander.”   
“You too.”, she smiled at him as they were directed past the long line of people waiting to get into the club.   
“You have quite some pull here…”, Kaidan marvelled, barely audible above the drumming bass of the music, but Shepard heard him, as did Garrus who joked, “Once we’re back on the Normandy, let me tell you about a really cool guy called Archangel.”   
She had to see that. So Shepard turned around and saw Kaidan blink suspiciously at Garrus, but he said nothing more. He was in for a surprise, no doubt.   
Once they reached the main room of Afterlife, Shepard swiftly made her way through the crowd and up the steps to Aria’s couch. She refused to think of it as a throne, but truly it was exactly that.   
The Batarian guarding Aria barely looked up as he saw Shepard and she ignored him just the same. He may be high in the ranks, but he was an idiot and Aria knew that perfectly well.   
“Ah, Shepard.”, the self-proclaimed Queen of Omega greeted her, “Have a seat.”   
That was fishy, Aria never was this friendly, but Shepard decided to wait how this would play out. She sat down, crossing her legs over each other to get comfortable and waited, her eyes trained on Aria. Hers, however, were scrutinising Shepard’s squad, lingering longer on Garrus than she liked, but then made their way to Kaidan. The moment an appreciative smile made its way onto Aria’s lips, Shepard already guessed the next words coming from her mouth: “I see you found yourself a boy toy.”   
It took all her self-control not to roll her eyes at the much older asari, so Shepard decided not to say anything.   
“Shame he doesn’t make you smile.”, Aria continued, grinning wickedly at Shepard, “Maybe you should try the turian instead.”   
Both Kaidan and Garrus squared their shoulder at that comment and Shepard winced at their reaction while Aria laughed whole-heartedly.   
“My, my.”, she then murmured, “You have a whole set of admirers.”   
“Get in line.”, Shepard shot back and for a moment Aria glared at her, then she grinned and the tension that had been there dissolved. The smile slipped from Aria’s lips and she asked, all business: “As much as I enjoy your visits, Shepard, they usually mean gunfights and explosions, so ask what you want to know, then get out of my club. At least then the explosions will happen elsewhere on my beloved rock.”   
Shepard now smiled in turn, but then grew serious and went down to business: “I’m on a missing persons case, so to speak. Brandon Hayes.”   
Aria narrowed her eyes for a moment, then with a small gesture sent one of her turian soldiers away. What the hell for?   
Shepard tried to look where he was going, as did Kaidan and Garrus, but she soon lost sight of him, so she turned her attention back to Aria.   
“I might know him.”, the asari said and Shepard laughed, “Tell me where he is and I’ll keep the explosions away from Afterlife.”   
Aria laughed at that and mused: “Truly, I could see some action again. But I don’t know where he is.”   
So their endeavour was a bust? Shepard grimaced at that, but one look into Aria’s blue eyes told her the asari was not finished yet. But she let them wait. Shepard was impatient on her best days and today was not one of those.   
“Then do you know someone who knows?”, Kaidan asked and Aria smirked at him, “Shame, he isn’t an all too well-behaved toy.”   
Shepard was of half a mind to send a glare his way, but she decided against it, did not want to give Aria the satisfaction of getting the better of her when Kaidan had just fallen right into her trap. It was just what that arrogant bitch wanted. Her ego was big enough already, so Shepard just waited until Aria informed her: “Of course I do know someone. Why do you think I sent my guard away?”   
Shepard felt Kaidan’s anxious gaze in her neck, but she tried her best not to let anything show in her features. She had already expected that turn of events anyway, so she was not surprised when Aria’s turian guard returned, dragging a blond, human girl behind him. She was wearing the outfit of the female employees, but Shepard guessed she was not a dancer. A waitress, maybe? Whatever, she was Vanessa, the girl who had called them here in the first place.   
“Vanessa, dear, tell the Commander here where your deadbeat boyfriend is.”   
The girl’s brown eyes widened in fear and Shepard could not blame her. The turian guard shoved her toward Aria, almost making the girl stumble to her knees.   
“That’s enough!”, Kaidan growled at him, catching Vanessa and steadying her, even gently touching her cheek as he spoke softly to her, “Don’t worry, Vanessa. I’m Kaidan Alenko, you called me here. So please tell me how to help Brandon. Anything you know could be helpful.”   
Aria scornfully raised an eyebrow and that had Shepard smirking. He was a gentleman to boot, of course Aria thought that stupid, but the hopeful smile on Vanessa’s face told Shepard that this was the only course of action that could have gotten them anywhere.   
“Y-you really came…?”, the girl asked, clinging to Kaidan’s arms. Gosh, she was about half his age, frightened and alone now that Brandon had vanished.   
“Of course I’m here.”, Kaidan softly spoke, clandestinely leading her away from the guard, closer to Shepard and Garrus got the hint, blocking her view of the other guards to give her a feeling of safety.   
“Where is Brandon, do you have any idea?”, Kaidan asked of her and at first Vanessa glanced at Aria, clearly picking her words carefully, which only made Aria scoff, thankfully she was quiet about it, so only Shepard heard it.   
“Vanessa. It’s okay.”, Kaidan comforted her with a warm smile and then the girl sniffled and told him, interrupted by her own sobs, “I don’t know exactly where he is, but he said he would get money for… we don’t have enough. He mentioned the Blue Suns.”   
At this Kaidan’s features darkened with fear, but it was gone so quickly even Shepard was not entirely sure the expression had been there.   
“Thank you.”, Kaidan told Vanessa, “Then we’ll start looking for him there. Sit tight, we’ll call you as soon as we know more.”   
“Thanks…”, she mumbled shyly, then turned around and dashed away.   
One look into his eyes told Shepard that Kaidan knew more than he had said, that his fear was very real, but she also knew that they could not talk about it here, in front of Aria.   
“Now you know where to look.”, Aria told her, “The Blue Suns swooped in after the plague got rid of some of their enemies. They have been severely decimated by Archangel, but by all means, feel free to kick them in the balls for me.”   
“Not a fan?”, Shepard chuckled and Aria gave her a grin like a varren, “Those bastards thought trafficking red sand was a good idea. It is, but not without my permission. Idiots.”   
“Alright, one arse kicking coming up.”, Shepard said and got to her feet, “It was nice talking with you.”   
“Likewise.”, Aria replied, both of them knowing that none really meant what they had just said. As Shepard turned away to leave, Aria called after her: “When you find that guy, make sure he has the money to buy his girl out.”   
Shepard looked at her over her shoulder and Aria scoffed: “I know that they wanted to run away together. And I’ll let them, as long as they pay me.”   
“How nice of you.”, Kaidan rumbled, clearly not impressed, but Aria laughed at him, “What can I say? I’m a romantic at heart.”   
Kaidan glared at her for that, but Shepard nodded away from the couch and they left.   
They remained silent until they were out of earshot of the Elcor bouncer, then Shepard announced: “Finding Blue Suns territory is no problem, Garrus is our own personal expert on that as well as dispatching them. But what the hell do you know?”   
Kaidan winced and balled his fists, then he revealed: “When Brandon was still part of my Biotics Squad, we… had a few missions.”   
“Don’t tell me…”, Shepard muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose, but Kaidan nodded gravely, “Exactly that. We went after some Blue Suns operations. Knowing Brandon’s luck, they probably recognised him.”   
“Well…fuck.”, Shepard hissed, “Getting into bed with the Blue Suns is bad enough, but when they already hate you… does he have a death wish?”   
“I think he’s desperate.”, Kaidan replied with a shrug, “But why risk the Blue Suns?”   
“Does it matter?”, Garrus interjected, “He’ll be dead soon if they recognised him. Maybe he already is…”   
“Don’t say that.”, Kaidan barked, but Garrus was unimpressed.   
“Then don’t waste time.”, Garrus shot back, “Time your friend might not have.”   
“Shut it.”, Shepard interjected with a hiss, “Both of you. Let’s go get the lad.”   
With that she jerked her head to the side and Garrus nodded, understanding without a word that he should lead the way. He just was good like that. Kaidan, however, was grumbling to himself, biting his tongue so hard it just had to hurt, but Shepard did not comment. Would be no use, she knew that, he was in no state of mind to discuss anything.   
Garrus shot her a glance over his broad shoulders, silently asking: “Is he up to the task?”   
She merely raised an eyebrow at her friend as he led them away from the drumming beat of Afterlife into the murmur of everyday life in the Gozo district, her expression stating: “Not yet.”   
Garrus grunted almost silently, clearly displeased, but she none too gently nudged him, telling him that Kaidan would be ready once they reached Blue Suns territory.   
She just hoped she was not wrong about that crucial little detail.   
The chaos of the Gozo district was the same as always, maybe even a bit more chaotic after the plague had been cured by Mordin, because now the formerly quarantined survivors had flooded the upper levels to get away from the debris of the lives they had led in the now destroyed remnants of the lower levels. The rambling prophet sure had a larger audience now.   
“Won’t that idiot ever shut up?”, Shepard muttered irritably under her breath and Garrus chuckled, “Two things always sell: Disaster and sex. Welcome to Omega.”   
“You should know.”, she grinned at his back and Garrus shrugged, as he sometimes did, imitating her, “Not that I got much of the latter here.”   
“Your loss.”, Shepard replied, trying to keep the mood light, but her gaze was on Kaidan. He had not spoken a word, had not even rolled his eyes at their banter and his back was still rigid as an intact Prothean beacon.   
Garrus pointedly punched the button for the elevator that would bring them down into gang territory, his glance just as pointedly as he directed it at Kaidan. Shepard knew she had to get him back on track and for a split second, she thought that, had their roles been reversed, Kaidan would have had a gentle word of encouragement for her, a calming presence taking care of her. But… well, that was him. It certainly was not her.   
“Attention, soldier.”, she barked, purposefully snapping him out of it, “We’re about to go in. Front and centre, LT.”   
For a long moment, his brown eyes stared at her, then he gave her a wry grin: “It’s Staff Commander, actually.”   
“Yes, sir.”, she mocked him, then turned her attention to the elevator whose doors slid open a few seconds later. He could have given her a snarky remark, but had not. Good for him.   
Their ride down was calm, the only sound the whirring of the machinery and the clicking of their guns as they checked them over once again.   
“Everyone clear on tactics?”, Shepard asked and Garrus chuckled, “You mean besides taking them out?”   
Shepard merely glanced at him, knowing that he would instinctively know what she needed in terms of support. But Kaidan… she was not so sure how he would fit into their squad. The three of them had been a fantastic trio on the hunt on Saren, but now…? She did not know.   
“Keep my butt out of the crosshairs while I give Garrus cover and lift the baddies for you, then distribute the medi-gel if the plan fails.”, Kaidan quickly recounted their old tactic, “Has worked for just about anything so far.”   
With that, they left the elevator, Shepard smiling a bit dumbly, trying her damnedest to supress it, but Garrus was smiling as well, so what the hell.   
“Never change a winning team.”, Garrus then hummed, audibly pleased, but next he looked at Shepard and she saw the mischief in the blue depths even before he spoke, “You should come and join us on the Normandy.”   
For the love of…   
She had just alleviated her concerns about working with him again and now Garrus pulled such a stunt? That fucking turian bastard.   
Garrus’ mandibles oscillated with mirth as he loaded his rifle while Kaidan’s eyebrows had jumped up in concern, his gaze on Shepard.   
“I…”, he mumbled not taking his eyes off her as slowly a smile spread on his lips, “I’d like that.”   
“Let’s go.”, Shepard snapped at them both, not willing to turn into a mushy sap on the spot. She would give Garrus a beating for it and that smug bastard knew it, but he was looking forward to it, she just knew it. But dammit, she wanted Kaidan back on the Normandy, back on her squad… and her bed.   
She shook her head like a wet dog to get those thoughts out of her mind, then she cocked her shotgun and took point without another word, Kaidan closely behind her and Garrus bringing up the rear, as it had been whenever they had been the off-shore party together.   
“Any pointers?”, Shepard asked, her gaze scanning the perimeter as best she could.   
“Just follow that weird appendage on your face.”, Garrus muttered, “You’ll find Blue Suns eventually.”   
“What… what the hell happened here?”, Kaidan asked, horrified and slightly gagging, as the smell of burnt and rotten bodies was still thick in the air.   
“There was a plague.”, Shepard curtly informed him, “Killed a lot of non-humans.”   
“And the rescue efforts?”, Kaidan wondered in a hushed whisper, but Shepard replied with a harsh laugh, “The what now?”   
“This is Omega, LT.”, Garrus said and Kaidan was too appalled to even notice the wrong rank. But Shepard did and she knew that Garrus had done it on purpose. Whatever worked.   
The district was pretty much deserted, just a few Batarians and turians came into view, but they slunk off as soon as they spotted their party, armed to the teeth as they were. This was Omega after all.   
After a few corridors and turns, even those scarce inhabitants vanished and not a soul was to be seen.   
“We must be almost at the environmental controls by now.”, Shepard mused and Garrus asked, “Past Mordin’s clinic?”   
She merely nodded, remembering the ambush that had awaited them when…   
“Oh crap!”, Garrus’ shout was all the warning she got, but it was enough. Throwing herself to the ground, Shepard saw a shot impacting exactly behind where her head had been mere seconds before. A quick glance told her that those bastards had used the exact same tactic as before, when she had been here to help Mordin and she had walked into the exact same trap because there was absolutely no way to bypass that section. Which made it so attractive for an ambush, no doubt.   
With a hissed curse, Shepard jumped to her feet and in a flash of blue, her biotics propelled her right into the middle of the group of mercs. They shouted in alarm, but one was dropped by Garrus’ expert shot, another wounded, probably from Kaidan’s shots, then she already had them toppling over each other as her shockwave knocked them off their feet. The one Kaidan had wounded was still standing and raised his gun to shoot her, but a booming blast from her shotgun fixed that.   
Shepard quickly dashed for cover, shooting another merc, a batarian this time, as she ran past him. His buddy behind him lunged for her, so Shepard decided to help him. Her biotics pulled him towards her and her fist connected with his unprotected temple, the biotics enhancing her punch, bashing his skull in. He slumped to the ground, unmoving.   
Finally in cover she tried to assess the situation and noted that a few more mercs had been dropped by Garrus and Kaidan, but after their initial onslaught, they got a little more careful. Time to show them that it was for naught.   
She quickly shot a glance at Garrus, saw him nod and so she sprung into action. Shepard jumped up behind her cover, once again using her biotics to cross the distance between the next group of mercs in an instant, shooting one, two, pushing the next one headlong into his buddy and then shooting them both at point blank range. Gruesome, yet undeniably effective.   
Rolling into cover she quickly reloaded, then dashed to the side, shooting the merc that came into view, then the two Kaidan had trapped in a biotic field, suspending them in mid-air. One of them survived that, but not the biotically charged fist that made the back of his skull explode.   
“Shepard! Eight o’clock!”, she heard an alarmed shout and she spun around to see a group of mercs Kaidan had warned her about. The bastards had sneaked around her, so now they were out of Garrus’ line of sight.   
She quickly got into cover, shot another man who tried to flank her and then risked a glance at the group Kaidan had warned her about.   
Only to stare in horror. Kaidan was running towards them, only his small pistol in his hands, a tactical armour around him and fury and biotics flashing blue in his eyes.   
“Fucker…”, she breathed, concerned, afraid and angry that he would pull shit like that… when he surprised her. His biotics held them at bay long enough for Kaidan to reach their group and once smack dab in their middle, he detonated his armour, frizzing theirs and stunning them. But just for a heartbeat.   
One of them recovered and grabbed Kaidan, but she would not let him get away with that. With a furious roar, Shepard jumped into the group, there so fast even her own head spun, then she punched the guy who had grabbed Kaidan, not in the least bit surprised when her biotically charged fist wound up in the middle of his brain. Her shotgun took out two others, a kick catapulted one into Garrus’ line of sight, effectively a death sentence, the last one was shot by Kaidan.   
In the following silence, Shepard’s and Kaidan’s ragged breathing seemed much too loud to her and even though she was out of breath, she found her voice again, speaking too coldly and too calmly: “What the actual fuck, LT?”   
Kaidan frowned at her and Shepard balled her fist, the one sticky with blood and brain matter, crunching splinters of bone as she did so, biting her tongue so that she would not go ballistic on him in the middle of an op. Because they were in no way home free yet.   
“Shepard…”, he began to defend himself, his voice agitated, yet so fucking gentle it was obnoxious. But there was no time for it.   
“Mech!”, Garrus warned them and the two quickly dispersed, ducking behind crates.   
The telltale thumping of an YMIR mech shook the ground beneath her feet and Shepard clenched her teeth. She really had not needed one of those thrown into the mix.   
She glanced at Kaidan and Garrus and both nodded, once again showing her that they were extremely good soldiers. At least when they chose to think about their actions first.   
Both of them targeted the mech with their abilities, overloading its shield with the fizz and crackle of disturbed electronics. One barrage would not cut it, though, so Shepard decided to buy them time.   
“Shepard!”, Kaidan yelled after her, but she ignored him as she dashed from cover, shooting the mech once, just to piss it off, then diving behind cover just before its machine gun had the time to riddle her with bullets. She heard Kaidan curse uncharacteristically, but he got her drift and overloaded the mech’s systems once again, as did Garrus, who also threw in the occasional bullet to keep the droid off Shepard while she reloaded her shotgun.   
Together they drained its shields and when Shepard heard them fizzle into nothing, she seized the opportunity, relished it.   
Climbing a crate and jumping to the next, she circled the mech, then jumped onto its shoulders.   
“Oh God…”, she heard Kaidan mutter through their comms, but she paid him no mind. The mech whirred mechanically, tried to throw her off, but she grabbed a tight hold and shot the damn thing, emptied the entire magazine into its head, but it was not enough, not quite. So she kicked the head, charging her attacks biotically and then pulled with all her biotic might, ripping the head clean off. She threw it against the wall and jumped off the mech’s shoulders, using her momentum to roll behind cover. And just in time. The explosion of the destroyed mech shook the entire room, vibrating deep in Shepard’s bones, filling her with pride. That fucking piece of machinery had had it coming.   
Listening intently, she heard only silence until Kaidan’s alarmed shout rang out: “Shepard?! Where are you?”   
“Here.”, she announced as she stood up, then nodded forward, “We gotta find Brandon.”   
“Wait…”, Kaidan asked, but she merely hissed, “Later.”   
With that she resumed their way the mercs had interrupted, but she glanced back as she heard Garrus chuckle: “Well, Shepard, you don’t mess around. You always make a mess, but Spirits, it’s always beautiful.”   
She mimicked a slight bow, but then focused onto the potential danger around them again. There could still be Blue Suns out there. However, there was only silence, silent as a grave…   
Shepard swallowed and exchanged a quick glance with Kaidan, who obviously thought the same.   
“I hate to say it…”, Garrus mumbled, but Kaidan cut him off, “Then don’t. He could still be here.”   
“I’m not doubting that.”, Garrus whispered and that implication earned him a glare from both Shepard and Kaidan.   
Their weapons ready, they turned a corner and immediately had them at the ready, facing a man with an assault rifle in his grip, ready to kill.   
“Don’t shoot!”, Kaidan called out, lowering his pistol. Shepard frowned at him, but then she realised the relief in his face and his voice as he spoke: “Brandon.”   
“What the fuck are you doing here?”, Brandon spoke instead of a greeting and then added through clenched teeth, “Sir.”   
Garrus snorted in amusement, but Shepard could merely muster a slight smirk.   
“Believe it or not, we’re here to get your ass out safely.”, she then informed Brandon, who had still not lowered his weapon, so neither had she.   
“Shepard, put the gun down.”, Kaidan asked, but she said, “No.”   
“Smart girl.”, Brandon said and this time she laughed in his face, “Yeah, sure. At least smarter than Vanessa and you. Combined.”   
His dark eyes narrowed and it was enough of a distraction that Garrus quickly reached for the rifle and twisted it out of Brandon’s grasp.   
“And you’re here to help me?”, he then growled, raising his hands, “Sure. Fuck you.”   
“You’re not my type.”, she shot back, “Vanessa called us as even she understands that it was damn stupid to go to the Blue Suns for money. I hope it was worth it, because Aria agreed to let the two of you go.”   
“You told her?”, Brandon snarled, but Shepard rolled her eyes, “She already knew. If you can buy your girl out, you can both go.”   
Brandon bit his lip at that and Shepard cursed: “You haven’t even got the money? Fuck me.”   
“You ain’t my type, either.”, he gave back, making her grin for a moment, then she asked, “You failed. Why even go to the Blue Suns?”   
“Because… we’re running out of time.”, he replied, looking at his dirty boots in what seemed like shame, “She… she’s pregnant.”   
Shepard could merely stare at him, but the cold façade did not hold up. So with a sigh, she gently asked: “How much do you need?”   
Kaidan and Brandon both stared at her, dumbfounded, then he mumbled: “A thousand credits.”   
Shepard rolled her eyes as she glanced at Garrus before she put her shotgun away, trusting him to keep her covered. _I can’t believe I’m doing this._  
Reaching into her pockets, Shepard quickly walked over to Brandon, who took a step back, eyeing her warily, but she shoved a credit chit against his chest: “Here’s two thousand. Get off this rock. But don’t go to Eden Prime.”   
Brandon’s dark eyebrows shot right up to his shorn hair, but Shepard harshly jerked her head back towards where they had come from: “Coast is clear. Go get your girl and baby outta here.”   
Without a word, Brandon dashed past her, then stopped dead in his tracks and looked at her, stared at her. Shepard merely returned his intent stare, her dark eyes into his blue ones, and something passed between them. It could just as well have been her imagination, but she saw him blink and when he opened his eyes again, she thought he understood. Someone had helped her back on Earth, in the slums of Vancouver, so now she wanted to help him.   
He slightly inclined his head, then swiftly turned around and was gone with the hush and efficiency of a man trained in combat.   
“What… what just happened?”, Kaidan murmured, staring at the spot where Brandon had stood moments before, unseeing.   
“We got him out.”, Shepard whispered, meaning both his tight spot with the Blue Suns and the miserable life on Omega. But she would not explain that.   
“Let’s… head out.” Shepard said and began to make her way back, but Kaidan put his hand on her arm, stopping her not by force, but with the tender smile on his face and the loving touch with which he took hold of her hand, the one that had bashed three skulls in just minutes before.   
“Thank you.”, he spoke softly, “You didn’t need to do that for them.”   
Eyes narrowed, Shepard stared at him, her anger boiling inside her and she was just about to explode… when Kaidan’s soft murmur defused her: “Or maybe you did.”   
Her eyes now wide, Shepard stared at him and found nothing but love in his eyes, disarming her, leaving her powerless. Not here, not now…   
“Joker, we’re about to head back to you. Mind firing up the engines so we can get off this damn rock?”, Garrus spoke into his comm, not intruding on their conversation, but providing Shepard with the distraction she needed to disentangle herself from it. She might have to thank him after all.   
“Shepard.”, Kaidan asked her to wait as she stormed off, Garrus just a few paces in front of her, still talking to Joker, trading jokes and insults, but she did not stop.   
“Ally.”, Kaidan then pleaded and it made her stop dead, rooted to the spot.   
“Ally…”, he repeated, even softer now, closer to her, sending a shiver down her spine, not entirely unpleasant, but still somewhat unwelcome.   
“Not now.”, Shepard barely managed to force through clenched teeth, yet he would not hear, “But, Ally…”   
“Not now.”, she growled and quickened her pace, breezing past Garrus. Her friend shot her a worried glance without ever interrupting his banter with Joker, but she merely shook her head at him. She could not deal with either of them right now. They had both seen too much of her already and Garrus she trusted. Kaidan, however…   
Against her better judgment, Shepard looked back, only to meet his eyes, a fierce gaze in them, not angry, but determined. They would have to talk. But she was in no way ready to have her heart broken all over again.


	4. Chapter 4

The inside of Shepard’s shower stall had probably seen her in her most honest, most vulnerable moments and it, too, had to take the accompanying beating for it. EDI had given up on commenting and Shepard was glad for it. She really did not need a smart-ass AI to tell her that the dents in the plating did not help structural integrity.   
So fucking what… She knew that she was hiding in the shower and she felt all the more pathetic for it as she furiously dried her hair, tangling it even more in the process.   
“Fuck.”, Shepard whispered into the steam of the small cabin, “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”   
There was no helping it, she had to get out and face the world, the Collectors. And most of all, Kaidan.   
“Fuck.”, she whispered again, resigned, and then threw the towel viciously into the hamper, trying to calm down. For naught, but hey.   
“Alright.”, she then mumbled and rolled her shoulders, “Fuck this.”   
She snorted amused, because she had a dirty mouth, but this was nerves talking. Squaring her shoulders, Shepard opened the door… and promptly took a step back.   
“Done hiding?”, Kaidan smirked, his arms crossed in front of his chest and his back leisurely resting against the opposite wall, “Can we talk now?”   
Shepard merely narrowed her eyes, then she snorted in anger and simply spun around, went back into her cabin. When she reached her desk, she leaned against it and waited, arms crossed just like Kaidan had waited for her, now she waited. She pointedly ignored Kaidan’s chuckle while he followed her and simply stared at him.   
But he stayed silent. That guy was unnerving.   
Determined not to let him win, Shepard kept staring, but damn it, she snapped first: “What do you want?”   
“To talk.”, Kaidan told her with a much too gentle smile, “I simply want to talk. Maybe have a quick drink if you have some whiskey. Then I’ll go.”   
Shepard raised an eyebrow at that and she almost heard the unspoken addition: “If you want me to.”   
She had no idea what the hell she wanted. Did she want him to stay or be at the other end of the galaxy? She really could not say. So she shrugged and asked coldly: “What about?”   
“Wh-what about?”, Kaidan asked, astonished and a bit incredulous, “Ally… what not about? There’s so much that was left unsaid between us.”   
“Yeah.”, she growled, trying her hardest not to let show how broken her voice would otherwise have sounded, “Like you not obeying a direct order.”   
Kaidan blinked at her, then narrowed his eyes and asked: “When?”   
“Don’t play that game, LT.”, Shepard snapped and Kaidan snorted, “Because you are so good with obeying orders.”   
“We’re talking about you here.”, Shepard shot back and Kaidan cried, “We’re talking about us, Ally!”   
“You stormed out there directly into a group of mercs!”, she shouted at him and stood up, threateningly taking to steps towards him, “You deliberately brought yourself in danger!”   
“To help you.”, Kaidan quietly defended himself, but Shepard was seeing red in her rage and she yelled, “You could’ve gotten yourself killed!”   
“Like you did?”   
The words were like a gunshot and hit her just as hard, leaving absolute silence in its wake.   
That silence was broken when Shepard snarled in anger and then went at him. Her hands grabbed the collar of his shirt and without thought of Kaidan or the fishtank behind him, she forcefully pushed him against the cold glass, smacking his head against the hard surface. She did not feel her biotics flaring to life, but she saw the blue reflection in the glass and in Kaidan’s eyes that were a bit unfocused at first, but when they caught her gaze, all she could do was stare at him. There was love in his eyes. After all this shit…   
“Losing you nearly killed me.”, Kaidan whispered, his hand slowly reaching for her face, gently stroking over her cheek as he reached her, and a smile graced his lips, a sad, sad smile, yet so full of love, “And now I’ve finally found you again. I couldn’t risk your life to those mercs. I know you can defend yourself, better than I can, but I had to help you. I love you, Ally.”   
Her hands went slack, lost their grip on his collar and merely laid there on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath her palm, so constant, so calm.   
“I love you.”, he repeated, again in a hushed whisper, then slowly leaned towards her, giving her ample time to step away. As if. Shepard was still shocked when his lips met hers again, but the first, gentlest contact erased all their time apart. It did not matter anymore.   
Shepard’s hands found their way around Kaidan’s neck and turned his soft, tender kiss into something much deeper, pulling him towards her so that there was no room left between them.   
“Ally…”, he panted, his hands on her hips, holding her close, “Ally…”   
That was all she gave him time to say, for Shepard immediately captured his mouth again in a fierce kiss that took both their breaths away, leaving them panting and desperately clawing at each other. She bit him, just hard enough to make Kaidan gasp in surprise, then she made her way down his neck and pulled at his shirt to reach more of his warm skin.   
“Ally, wait…”, Kaidan quietly asked, but his body belied that plea, for she felt exactly how much he wanted her, felt the evidence press hard against her stomach.   
“No.”, she all but snarled, then stroked his length through the material of his breeches, effectively shutting him up, and she used her free hand to open his belt.   
“Ally…”, he tried again, his breath hitching in his throat, but Shepard wasted no more time. She freed Kaidan’s cock from the restraints of his pants, then dropped to her knees and engulfed him in the warmth of her mouth, without preamble.   
“Ally…!”, he groaned, strangled, but his hand in her hair did not try to stop her, on the contrary. First Kaidan tried to guide her, but when she sucked harder at his tip, he clenched his fist in her hair and she heard his head thump against the glass as he succumbed. There was no need for guidance, she knew what he loved and so she did exactly that, let her lips glide over his tip, swirled her tongue around it to then take him as deeply as she could.   
“Ally.”, he mumbled again, breathing hard, and his hand wandered to her chin, gently pulling her off and up to him as he asked, “C’mere, love.”   
His kiss stole her breath away as his tongue delved deep in her mouth, caressing every spot he could. But she retaliated, Shepard pulled at his shirt to finally get the damn thing off and Kaidan obliged as he quickly tore it away and threw it on her desk chair, ignoring it. Shepard followed suit, throwing both her shirt and her bra to the side, kicking off her boots as best she could while stumbling down the few stairs to her bed, then she also pushed down her pants, leaving her bare. Kaidan still stood at the top of the stairs, his breeches still open, his chest bare and his nostrils flared as he stared at her, reverently whispering: “Gosh, you’re beautiful.”   
“Then why are you wasting time up there?”, Shepard grinned at him and he smiled in return, taking off his boots and leaving his pants at the top of the stairs before reaching for her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her for all he was worth. But after all this time, after all that had happened, it was not enough anymore.   
Shepard turned them around and pushed Kaidan, making him stumble and fall backwards onto the bed, yelping in surprise. She gave him no time to recuperate, instead immediately followed him down, straddling him and pressing her hot, needy flesh against his length.   
“Ally…”, was all he said, maybe he did not have the brains for more anymore, and it was just what Shepard wanted. She crushed her lips to his, one hand in his black hair, holding him in place, the other wandering down his chest, lightly scratching until she reached his cock. This earned her a groan that only resounded deeper in his chest as she pumped his length a few times, then she positioned him at her entrance, ready to sink down on him.   
“Hey, hey, hey.”, Kaidan suddenly interrupted and gently pulled her hand away from him, “Hold on there, love, wait for me.”   
“Are you fucking kiddin’ me?”, Shepard snarled, but Kaidan shook his head with a loving smile, “No, but there’s no need to rush this.”   
“There’s every need!”, Shepard angrily shot back and reached for him again, but Kaidan was surprisingly fast. He grabbed her wrists and flipped them over so that he was nestled between her thighs, holding her down with his weight. Yet she struggled against him, because even though he tried to yank the reigns from her, he was still so damn gentle about it.   
“Ally, calm down.”, he pleaded, placing a much too tender kiss on der sternum, then first one of her breasts, then the other, all the while murmuring sweet nothings against her overheated skin, “Calm down, love, calm down, I love you.”   
But she could not take that now, she wanted him right now, but this tenderness was just too much, it…   
“I got you.”, Kaidan whispered against her lips, despite her struggle, and then activated his biotics. It was nothing more than a gentle buzz on her skin, just for a few seconds, but it shut down her resistance. She could have taken him in a fist fight, but she stood no chance against his biotics and they both knew it.   
“Shh, baby, it’s alright.”, Kaidan mumbled, pressing the softest of kisses against her eyelids, her cheeks, her lips. Then he slowly let go of her wrists, but hesitated, as if he thought she would try to turn their position around first chance she got, but when she remained still, she felt him smile against her neck, once again leaving kisses and sweet words on her skin as he slowly moved lower, first to her sternum again, then to her breasts. She arched her back when he licked over one of her nipples, only to then suck it between his lips while cupping her other breast as a whole, his hands were that big and far too gentle, bringing unwanted tears to her eyes.   
Kaidan resumed his path downwards, using his big hands to hold her legs open, still so gentle that she knew she could break free if she tried to. But his kisses, his sweet words against her skin stopped her. All she could do was whimper softly, because she had missed his touch so damn much. When she felt Kaidan’s tongue flick against her most sensitive flesh, her whimpers turned to a desperate cry of lust.   
He knew her as well as she knew him, maybe even better, so he knew how to caress her to bring her to ecstasy, his lips sucking at her, his tongue flicking the bundle of nerves between her legs, and at one time, he even let her feel his teeth.   
Just before Shepard reached the height of lust, he stopped. She groaned in frustration, which only had him chuckling, then he slowly retraced his path up her body, kissing over her stomach, her breasts and her neck until he found her lips again and as Shepard licked her own taste off his lips, he brought their bodies together.   
“Kaidan…”, was all Shepard could breathe, all her senses overloaded.   
“I got you, baby.”, Kaidan murmured into her ear as he wrapped her in his arms and slowly made love to her. It was not what she had had in mind, but it was infinitely better.   
There was nothing she could do but hold onto him and her embrace turned desperate when her orgasm crashed into her like a tidal wave, taking every last rational thought with it and even the last shred of control, making Shepard cry out again and engulf both her and Kaidan in a cocoon of biotic energy. He followed her a moment later, totally silent, but adding his energy to hers, bathing the room in a blue glow.   
And frizzing the sound system on her nightstand, which promptly started to loudly play three different radio stations at once.   
Shepard burst out laughing, then quickly crushed the radio under her blue glowing fist.   
“That takes care of that.”, Kaidan muttered into the following silence and they both laughed.   
“This is ridiculous.”, Shepard snickered, hiding her face behind her hands.   
“So what?”, Kaidan chuckled, trying to pluck her hands away and, as soon as he succeeded, kissing her, “It’s us.”   
“Too true.”, Shepard shook her head, but blinked at Kaidan who was staring at her intently before he slowly murmured, “Ally… this was perfect.”   
“Yeah.”, she smiled as she stroked his face and Kaidan turned his face to press a kiss to her palm before lying down beside her, sighing as their bodies separated.   
“Thank you.”, he said into the skin of her shoulder, kissing it.   
“What for?”, Shepard asked and felt him shrug, “For being you. For coming back for me. I… had given up hope.”   
“So had I.”, she admitted and sniffled as she could no longer fight back the tears.   
“Hey.”, Kaidan quietly said and propped himself up on his elbow to look into her face which he cradled in his palm, “Don’t cry, love. We’re together again.”   
“And for how long?”, Shepard bit out, “You have to go back to your duties, I still have to go after the Collectors.”   
“We have tonight.”, Kaidan smiled, even though it was a sad smile, “And the rest… we’ll see. But we have tonight.”   
“True.”, Shepard conceded and met him halfway for a kiss. They had tonight. It would have to be enough.


End file.
